But my parents aren’t doctors…

Guess what, neither are mine! And neither are the parents of a lot of Black physicians, we only make up 5% of physicians in the country, remember? Like me, you may even be the first person in your house attending a 4-year college. That’s okay! Having parents who are medical doctors isn’t a pre-requisite for medical school acceptance. Is there a question on your application asking the occupation of your parents? Yes. Are there brownie points if you answer physician for one or both of them? Nope.

I have several Black physician friends who have a physician parent and I have many more whose parents are not physicians. Guess what all those friends have in common…they’re all physicians now! Which means that your momma and/or daddy don’t have to be a doctor in order for you to become one. If they are, yes it might give you a leg up with getting clinical experiences (shadowing them, their partners, or physician friends), knowing which courses to take and how to study, etc. But your mom can’t take your MCAT for you and your dad’s clinic partner can’t (shouldn’t) participate in your application review or interview if they’re on a medical school’s admissions committee. 

Now, I do truly believe that some pre-med students have access to opportunities that others, especially those who are under-represented in medicine, do not. So, unfortunate as it is, you may have to take a few extra steps along your path to get to where you’re going. But know that you can get there! 

If your parents are physicians, power to you! You should soak up as much advice and help from them as you can. If your folks aren’t physicians, don’t worry- here are some things I want you to think about.

Seek out mentorship

It helps to have advice from someone who is where you are trying to get to and who has done what you’re trying to do. So if you’re in the situation where your parents aren’t able to walk you through being pre-med, then please seek out someone who can. Shoot, even if your parents are physicians, you can still consider seeking out a separate physician mentor. You shouldn’t have to figure this out alone when so many people who look like you have done it before you and are rooting for you and happy to help you along the way. I don’t have kids (yet), so y’all are getting all of the information that I would give my future kid—who, just my luck, probably will have absolutely no interest in being a physician and not care about any of the advice I have to give! In addition to the information I write in this blog, there are whole networks of Black physicians that you can have virtual and live access to! Forming a strong relationship with a physician who is willing to serve as a mentor and being able to openly and honestly discuss your journey with them can be just as impactful and effective as having a physician parent.

Share with your parents and family what you’re doing

Even if they haven’t taken the MCAT or dissected a human body, still keep your parents in the loop about what you’re going through. Share what you’re learning, what your clinical experiences are like, what you’re researching, the type of service you’re doing, etc. Let them be participants in your journey as much as they can. Most importantly, tell them when you have important exams, evaluations, interviews, etc coming up. I know, firsthand, that this is how you get included in prayers. I am convinced that my parents and grandparents were praying harder than I was before and during my exams as a student. Being pre-med is tough. It’s a lot tougher when you keep your struggles and setbacks to yourself instead of sharing them with the people who love and care about you the most. P.S., your momma and your grandma care a lot more about you than your physics professor does. So don’t shut them out of your journey. Let them know when you need help that they can provide. My mom loves to cook and when I was in the throes (yes throes) of studying and didn’t have time to cook (or money to eat out all the time), it was nothing for my parents and grandparents to load up and come to wherever I was living and bring food so I wouldn’t have to disrupt my schedule. She also has no concept of appropriate portions, so she usually brought enough food for me and 20 other people to eat too! That was how they did their part. They couldn’t necessarily help me study, but they gave me what I needed. Food, prayers, and encouragement. 

They won’t fully understand what you’re going through

If I had a quarter for every time I was sitting in my college dorm room talking to my mom and she told me I was putting too much pressure on myself to make perfect grades…I wouldn’t have near as much student loan debt as I have now. And while she said it from a good place, she didn’t recognize the difference between an A and B and how sometimes I desperately needed an A, a B wasn’t good enough to hold my BCPM GPA. It was also hard to explain why I couldn’t come home for some events or why I couldn’t talk on the phone for hours at a time when I needed to be studying. But even though it was a bit foreign to her, she knew the end goal and never gave me too hard of a time. Even if your parents may not fully understand what you’re going through juggling pre-med requirements, my hope for you is that they understand what you are working towards and will lift you up. 

Now, the flip side of this is that sometimes people, even ones who love us and have our best interests at heart, may tell you that it’s okay to quit when times get hard. That is not the business. Don’t be too quick to listen to that! Instead, reach out to your physician mentor or pre-med advisor when you need to some gentle pushing during tough times.

Know that they’re proud of you

I probably had 5 (okay 10) times as many people at my white coat ceremony than any other new medical student in my class. My whole entire village came and, as usual, they had no shame in letting everyone know they were there! Not only were my parents and grandparents there skinnin’ and grinnin’ but all of their kids and their sisters and brothers and their kids were there too. It was fantastic. There was never a moment as a pre-med student or a medical student that I didn’t know they were proud of me—but that day really showed it. I hope you know that your family is proud of you…even if they don’t always say (or show) it. And if you need someone to say it, I’M PROUD OF YOU! Even if you are just entering Freshman year of college as a pre-med and have not taking a single class yet, I’m still proud of you right now, already!

Being pre-med and getting accepted into medical school isn’t a cakewalk. Even if your mom, dad, grandparents, siblings, aunts, and uncles are all medical doctors—you still have to run your own race and do the things that will make you the strongest applicant that you can be. 

If your parents aren’t doctors, don’t worry! It will only make it that much sweeter when they celebrate you as the first physician in the family.  

Are you a first-generation physician in-the-making in your family? Have you worried that you are at a disadvantage because your parents aren’t doctors? If so, I hope this post made you feel a little better. Feel free to leave a comment below or send me an email if you have any comments or questions!